Are you a victim or a survivor?
A victim is someone who acts weak,vulnerable, and helpless. A victim can often be heard saying things such as “I don’t know, “I can’t”, or ” no one cares about be”. Victims martyr themselves and think “poor me”. The victim often responds to stress or conflict by running out of a room, crying and refusing to reveal why, or throwing similar temper tantrums. In bed, a victim might have be a woman who never orgasms, or a man who’d like to try something different, but ends up having the same sex every time or vice versa.
If you spot yourself being the victim, stop! Remind yourself you are a survivor. A survivor is someone who takes responsibility for his or her happiness and realize that it is unreasonable to expect others to solve all their problems. Emphasis on All because it is reasonable to expect some of life’s problems to be solved by others, especially if it’s your partner. A survivor realizes the importance of working through disagreements and has the courage to express how they are feeling. They also carry a very sexy trait which is called self respect!
Are you a villain or collaborator?
When you play the villain, you are confrontational, sarcastic, degrading, vengeful, easily enraged. A villain is quick to blame others and often makes excuses and take arguments to a high intensity. In bed, a villain is often focusing only on his or her pleasure, refuse sex, or deny sex as a form of revenge. By surrendering the need to come first, the villain can become a collaborator in bed and in life. The villains passion can benefit both parties and his or her confidence to try new things can be very rewarding and exciting. Collaboration lets you rely on one another, confident in the knowledge that you will passionately pursue each other’s best interests. This gives you the freedom to be creative in bed, have fresh ideas to solving conflict, and grow together as a couple.
Are you a hero or problem solver?
In the hero role you are satisfied by nurturing and helping others, even if it is to your detriment. A hero often turns down help and takes on a bigger load than necessary, all for the reward of pleasing others. In the bedroom, a hero seeks to satisfy their partner at all costs, while ignoring their own sexual needs. By suppressing their desires, however, a hero is being true neither to themselves nor to their partner. This can lead to resentment and pent up frustration.
A problem solver knows rather than denying his or her own needs they find ways to equally satisfy needs of themselves and others. If you are secure in your relationship, you should ask for what you need and want in the bed and in the rest of your relationship. Courage gives you an open door to real intimacy.
There are identifying roles in every relationship and the quicker you discover what they are and wether or not they are good or bad for you, the closer you are to changing and having a fulfilling relationship! The above roles are examples as there are many more to think of. Let this be a focal point to begin the process. Until next time…….