28/Twenty Eight

As I get closer and closer to my Birthday, I sit and reflect on many things. The good that has happened and also the bad. I am a thinker by nature. It is in my blood. I do a lot of reflecting on a daily basis. It’s just who I am and I have accepted it and realized it is one of my strengths.
This year has been like a roller coaster and not in the adrenaline like sense. I have lost many of things this year. I’ve hit my ultimate low. I’ve cried more tears than any ocean can hold. But here I sit still surviving and working my way through. You never know just how strong you are until you have passed the storm or sitting and reflecting. I have changed so much in this little bit of time that we call a year. I’ve hid my pain from all those who knew me. I played down my hurt. I smiled even though I was dying inside. I had to wonder do we ever achieve happiness? Do we ever get to a point where it’s okay to breathe?
I’ve seen and been through so much in my years of living on this earth. I’ve also achieved a great deal of things. I am grateful for all those achievements and I privately do victory dances for each. I won’t do so publicly for fear all I have will be taken away. I don’t know why I’m afraid to let others see my happiness. I’ve been like that as long as I can remember.
This year was a game changer , a life changer to say the least. I believe it changed me as a being. Changed my soul. So I will forever have this with me. I go forward a new person. I go forward a better me. A stronger me. More alive than ever. I now know exactly who deserves to be in my life and those who definitely must exit. I no longer feel inferior to anyone. I am who I am and my experiences are my own. I’m not perfect but I am great beyond anyone’s measure.
So this new year I welcome and will feel good to be another year wiser and older. I celebrate my age. I’m excited about it. I have never had this type of excitement before. This year. 365 Days.

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There comes a defining moment when it’s time to let go. Let go all the insanity, the hurt feelings, the worry and pain. Sometimes it hurt so bad that you feel like you will never be whole and able again. You cry, you search for answers but the pieces are still broken. All the warmth and love you once felt has burned with all the memories that you’ve cherished. Som
etimes the strength doesn’t come fast enough and you find yourself longing for them again. So you stay.
The pattern, the problems, the distrust returns and you remember why you wanted to leave in the first place. You’re so afraid of change because you’ve been so comfortable with the familiar. You long for love, you dream of the relationship you want and still your feet won’t move. You somehow convinced yourself that mediocre and settling for less is okay. You trick your mind into thinking that what you want is too selfish or your feelings are not valid. The love you have for them goes deeper than yourself, you share seeds that you want to prosper and grow. You battle your temptations because the grass does look mighty green. You vent to deaf ears and empty minds because you’re scared of what any sensible
person would say. You know they would tell you what you already know. The truth.

Written By: Kimberly Reynolds
08/13/15

Hard

My present is so unforgiving of my past that I worry about my future. Who am I during these times? Questions of a troubled woman with a golden soul. Questions I have no answers to. My mind will not let me be silent in thought. My knees are scarred from prayer and my tongue is numb from speaking my heart. The past will not let me forget and the present agreed. I still love to wake up each day with hope and appreciate every breath….shall I breathe in? Today is like no other my dreams are still the same and so are my fears. I have no time to cry or dare to show my pain I’m afraid….I’m indeed afraid.

Written By: Kimberly Reynolds

For The One I Love!

The wait is unbearable
Your lips I can no longer taste
You scent I can no longer smell
The time on the clock goes so slow
Waiting for you is my own personal hell
Not knowing if this will be the last time so I freeze your face in my mind
I will remember you as long as my memory withstands
Your touch, your feel, your grasp, your hand
I wait for the knock on the door or the turn of your key
Waiting…waiting….waiting
Oh! Poor lonely me!
You come, we love, we sleep
Tomorrow comes and it just repeats!!!!

Written by : Kimberly Reynolds

Until next time……..