28/Twenty Eight

As I get closer and closer to my Birthday, I sit and reflect on many things. The good that has happened and also the bad. I am a thinker by nature. It is in my blood. I do a lot of reflecting on a daily basis. It’s just who I am and I have accepted it and realized it is one of my strengths.
This year has been like a roller coaster and not in the adrenaline like sense. I have lost many of things this year. I’ve hit my ultimate low. I’ve cried more tears than any ocean can hold. But here I sit still surviving and working my way through. You never know just how strong you are until you have passed the storm or sitting and reflecting. I have changed so much in this little bit of time that we call a year. I’ve hid my pain from all those who knew me. I played down my hurt. I smiled even though I was dying inside. I had to wonder do we ever achieve happiness? Do we ever get to a point where it’s okay to breathe?
I’ve seen and been through so much in my years of living on this earth. I’ve also achieved a great deal of things. I am grateful for all those achievements and I privately do victory dances for each. I won’t do so publicly for fear all I have will be taken away. I don’t know why I’m afraid to let others see my happiness. I’ve been like that as long as I can remember.
This year was a game changer , a life changer to say the least. I believe it changed me as a being. Changed my soul. So I will forever have this with me. I go forward a new person. I go forward a better me. A stronger me. More alive than ever. I now know exactly who deserves to be in my life and those who definitely must exit. I no longer feel inferior to anyone. I am who I am and my experiences are my own. I’m not perfect but I am great beyond anyone’s measure.
So this new year I welcome and will feel good to be another year wiser and older. I celebrate my age. I’m excited about it. I have never had this type of excitement before. This year. 365 Days.

Be Careful What You Wish For!

All you wanted was love; what you got was the illusion of love and now you’re suffering from devastating effects of being hurt. That is the nature of human love, it can be warm and inviting one minute, cold and malicious the next, all in one neatly wrapped package.
Let me tell you something, ladies and gentlemen. Beware of the illusion of love. When someone really loved you there is no second guessing. If you have to ask yourself if he/she loves you, then he/she doesn’t really love you. I say this because love can be seen through its expression. When we love, we care and we are always showing the person through examples.
Sex isn’t love, so don’t get it twisted. If a man likes to have sex with you all the time, that doesn’t mean he loves you. Same thing goes for men, if a woman just likes you for your sex, she doesn’t love you. Many people get that confused with love and you would be surprised at how many of us actually settle and believe that’s all there is. Words can have multiple meanings and expression is the truest form of honesty. We have to look beyond what’s masked and ask ourselves is this real? Or is this an illusion I’ve created? Of course we want to believe in something that’s greater than ourselves but don’t be fooled and don’t be a fool! Until next time…….

Challenge gender/sex behavior

Your past influence not only your emotional interactions within relationships, but also your sexual behavior. What you learned as a child about gender and how male and female roles are defined in the bedroom can limit your sexual experiences as adults. A woman’s sexuality is to be wondered and respected. Sex and orgasms are part of the life force, part of what makes us human. Yet many women grown up with the idea that “nice” women don’t pursue sexual pleasure. Society has even stigmatized women who enjoy sex and revel in their sexuality as promiscuous and wanton. These ideas stem from ignorance and have no place in modern society, but they still do exist.
And while women grapple with repressing their sexuality, men are expected not only to enjoy sex, but also to crave it day and night. Manhood is equated with voracious sexual appetite, so when a man has sexual difficulties or lacks interest in sex he feels as if he has failed. Whether he has a physical problem(such as gaining or maintaining an erection) or an emotional one, he will often suffer in silence. Men might be reluctant to voice their anxieties, doubts, or needs for fear of seeming weak or effeminate, while women may shy away from asking for what they want for fear of seeming too aggressive.

So the homework for you is to discuss what you learned as children about sex and gender, discard old unhelpful ideas, such as women shouldn’t initiate sex or men should be the main earners. It’s never too late to start creating new lessons for yourself and your family, and to draw positive gains from difficult past experiences! Until next time………..

Ringing In My Head

Even though I prayed many times
For the clearing of my spiritual mind
To cleanse my soul and unwanted thoughts
To fight against what I was naturally taught
I find temptation hard to fight
Even though I wish I could every night
My soul is bare and open to the world
My heart on my sleeve like a teenage girl
Praying for strength, praying for light
Praying for answers day and night
Feeling like it’s a waste of time
Pouring out my feelings and mind
I fight for myself to stay sane
Caged in a box with only one name
I hear it now I heard it then
I hear it everyday….. It’s all a whirlwind
No one said this was the journey
No one told me how hard it would be
Still I pray and still I fight
Resisting evil with all my might

Written By: Kimberly Reynolds

Enjoying A True Connection

If you ever experience unhappiness in your relationship, it’s most likely due to a lack of connection. Make time for your partner, be there for each other emotionally, and keep your sex life interesting this will help you to create a relationship that sustains and inspires you, physically and emotionally, for years to come. Keep a strong connection with your partner by working on intimacy inside and outside the bedroom. This shouldn’t be difficult. Sometimes the simplest acts bring couples closer and help them to enjoy each other’s company. Wether it is a common hobby, a vacation together, or carving out time to cuddle in bed and catch up on the days events, many couples find that it takes only a little spark to light their fire that is if both partners are really there.
It is important to be emotionally present to keep that close connection with your lover. Give him or her your undivided attention, and you can bond even with just ten moments together. On the other hand, if your mind is on something else, you could spend hours alone with your partner and never truly connect.

Stay present in your relationship by practicing appreciation and gratitude. By appreciating what you have right now, you can put yourself in the moment and get off the constant “I want/I need” merry-go-round. Like always until next time……….

Hurt

Just set me free, unbound the chains
And watch me flee
All the pain you caused, separates my body from my soul
Now in a million pieces, which once were a whole
I feel trapped here, stuck in this room
All I see are four walls and my never ending doom
The windows give me a glimmer of hope
As that is the only light that shines
How long do I have to search? How many mountains I have left to climb?
When and where does the world become mine? Not here, not there, probably a space in nowhere
The truth I speak, my thoughts run deep
No matter what you may seek, I have sought them longer
When does the hurt go away? What will make me stay? When do I become stronger ?

Written By : Kimberly Reynolds